By dimensions, he's talking most things like language, living near one another, hobbies, interests, globe views (political, religious, and others) and sense of humor. Yous build those shared connections to begin with by spending time together, Dunbar explains. And by nature some of those ties will get more difficult to maintain (or volition just be obviously lost) when there'due south more physical distance between you lot and a friend.

"Close friendships are ane'southward 'shoulders to cry on,'" he says. "And i around the corner is more valuable than ane 100 miles away."

That doesn't necessarily mean, however, that long-distance friendships tin can't piece of work. Merely y'all're probably going to need to observe some new strategies for staying close, rather than relying on what keeps you close with friends who live nearby. Here are some tips:

1. Effigy out what your friend needs from you

People are different. Personalities are different. And friendships are all different. When it comes to maintaining a long-distance friendship (where certain aspects of a human relationship volition modify), you lot're going to need to figure out the aspects that are the of import ones that can't change.

Some friends are going to take it personally if y'all forget a birthday or anniversary. For some friends, an annual visit may become a lot farther than monthly telephone dates. "Part of existence a friend is figuring out what that friend really needs from you," April Bleske-Rechek, PhD, Professor of Psychology at University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, tells NBC BETTER.

2. Gear up parameters about how you lot'll stay in bear upon

In one case yous figure out what each of you needs, make a plan about how you'll run across those needs, Bleske-Rechek says. Mayhap you decide driving fourth dimension will be your time to catch-upwards on the phone, and it'southward OK if one of you needs to hang upwards earlier a natural pause in the conversation. If you accept a ten-minute drive, y'all give each other the ten minutes because that works for both of y'all.

Some friends simply don't take fourth dimension (or can't make time) to schedule hour-long phone dates because of the combination of work, family and other personal responsibilities, adds Irene Levine, PhD, psychologist and author of "Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your All-time Friend". "Both friends need to be sensitive to each other's needs and desires. The long-distance friendship may take another shape than it did [when it wasn't long-distance]."

three. Remind your friends that you call back almost them

At that place'south a lot to be said for the random, 3 p.m. text on a Wednesday to let a friend know you just drove past the coffee shop you lot both love and you miss her. It lets your friend know yous're thinking about him or her, Bleske-Rechek says. "I wish you were here. I wish I could spend some time with yous today."

four. Remind your friends why they're special, and why their friendship is special to you

"Emphasize that person's unique assets and the way that they're non easily replaced for you," Bleske-Rechek says. It's an affirmation of that person's value to you. We need it in romantic relationships, and nosotros need it when it comes to platonic friendships, also, she says.

5. Talk almost the future

Evolutionary psychology inquiry tells the states that foreshadowing the time to come (a fancy way of saying "talking about it") is an of import part of what motivates united states to put fourth dimension and try into our relationships. If we expect someone isn't going to exist part of our time to come, why waste your energy maintaining ties?

We can apply that to friends who alive far away by talking about how you intend to keep that person in your life, Bleske-Rechek says. Talk about an event in the future you lot know you will both be attention or look forward to an upcoming milestone together ("I tin can't believe we'll both exist l by this fourth dimension next year!"), she suggests. "Information technology helps evidence you're committed to that friendship."

vi. Pay attention to the details

Caring about the picayune things that matter to u.s. is function of what makes a friend a friend. And it's a lot easier to know what those piddling things are if you're shut plenty to run across them for yourself — your BFF can't stand up his new haircut or she's really dreading an upcoming work retreat.

Brand an actress effort to remember those details when you do talk well-nigh them on the phone or near, so you tin can enquire your friend virtually them the side by side fourth dimension you lot converse. Even if it'southward way after the fact, staying interested in the details shows that y'all care, Bleske-Rechek says.

seven. Share things about yourself

"Intimacy in friendship is nigh people letting each other into their lives in a deep way," Hojjat says. What's "new" with you lot is about more than than just the photos you lot posted on Instagram from your vacation concluding calendar month. Talk most what y'all're struggling with. Talk nigh what you're excited about. Talk about the things that are on your listen.

"Cocky-disclosure is an of import aspect of intimacy in friendship," Hojjat says.

8. Set up aside time to actually spend fourth dimension together, too

Making time to go away together for a few days or spending a few days living with a friend who has moved away is a really good way to boost closeness again, Bleske-Rechek says.

If yous visit a friend in their new environment yous get to see they day-to-day routine. You get an intimate snapshot of that crazy lawn tennis game or what dinnertime at her house looks like, which makes subsequent phone check-ins and texts more meaningful. Both of you lot making time to go away together is valuable, too, Bleske-Rechek adds. You both get to get out other commitments behind and but focus on the friendship and things you love to exercise (exploring a new urban center, wine tasting, attention a yoga retreat, or what intrigues yous).

9. Exist there when it matters

Distance makes it more than costly to maintain a friendship, both in terms of time and money, but part of what volition allow you to maintain that bail is knowing when information technology matters to bear witness up (in person or most), and showing up, Hojjat says. "If it is of import to your friend, it should be of import to you also."

More than FROM BETTER

  • How to brand friends as an adult
  • The clandestine to stronger friendship: Try this to build better bonds
  • How to spot (and deal with) an energy vampire
  • Why nosotros're so obsessed with 'Friends', the comfort food of Telly

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